Flash & Blink

Almost choked to death at my nephew’s birthday party!

So I have not been on any diet or exercise plan for about 4 months and I’m sure I have gained all the weight back that I have lost. I’m not sure if this post fits here on this blog or not because it’s not only about physical health.

My wife and I drove 4 hours north out of the city for this special event because of a long caravan of long weekend RVs heading towards Athabasca we decided to take the slightly longer road through Slave Lake. This was the first time I had been to Slave Lake since the fire…my first look at my childhood town since devastation struck. It really felt like rebuilding after a war. At least two places I lived as a child burned down and it was a little emotional for me.

Well we made it to Wabasca safe and sound but about 10 minutes into eating junk food and pizza…in the blink of an eye…I began choking on my food.  First I just tried to cough it out but that didn’t work, then I tried to breathe in and that didn’t work.  Panic set in…I jumped to my feet still trying to breathe. I completely forgot the international sign for choking to put my hands up to my neck. I think just wanted to get to business so I began hitting myself in my stomach. I think at this point everyone realized what was happening. Half a second later the main thought in my mind was “Why isn’t anyone trying to save me?” so I got mad! At that point I forced the words “come on” out my blocked wind pipe as to say “Come on some do the Heimlich maneuver on me”.

Suddenly, I could breathe! Getting angered and forcing the frustrated words out saved my own life. At this same moment the loving and forceful hands of my wife wrapped around my waist. I had to tell her and everyone at the party that I was ok before she really got to work on my stomach.

As I sat back down and everyone began talking about what happened and making jokes to lighten the mood I got to thinking.

First I thought of how embarrassed I was.

Then I thought of how I should not be embarrassed at all. These things happen and it was not my complete stupidity that put me in that situation. I don’t even remember what was happening just before I began to choke. Was I laughing at a joke? Was my nose plugged and I was trying to breathe through my mouth as I ate? Was I talking with my mouth full?

Next I thought of what my last words would have been. “Come on you guys!” said angrily at friends and family as if my last “fuck you” and thanks for not being there for me. I must be some sort of real f-ing asshole with an elitist view of the world and people around me. Is it normal for someone to spend their whole life trying to be humble? Sometimes I really do feel like I’m surrounded by morons that lack common sense. Why the hell do people want to be my friend anyway? I know I wouldn’t want a friend like me always telling me there is a better way to do things! I keep attributing my elitism and arrogance to my ability to learn from other people mistakes. I will admit I got in my share of trouble but having to grow up faster the way I did in a divorced household I feel like I learn a useful way of avoiding pain.

No wonder I can’t relate to people and I’m socially awkward in small group settings. As an arrogant elitist I’m more comfortable in front of 500 people telling them “the way it is”. I feel like a pissed of babysitter “Thanks for the job but you raised you kids wrong and I’ll have them all fixed by the time you get home!” So just thinking and writing about these things again makes me think of how I must work harder to be humble.

I’m sorry to say but my final thoughts on this whole choking business are that my life did not flash before my eyes. No filmstrip of life started up and no closing song. You could say that maybe I was not close enough to death since the whole episode was about 10-15 seconds and I sure it would take me at least a minute of no breathing to die. Oxygen loss to my brain had not started at this point so I could explain away not seeing the final credits do to the fact that my brain was not in peril so not firing random thoughts trying to find a way to save my life. My brain decided to get mad!

Maybe as a completely non-religious person I will not get the life filmstrip upon my death. I don’t believe in heaven, hell, miracles, or any form of God and as I get older my thoughts on this topic get more solidified. Faith is slowly fading from my vocabulary in the religious sense. I can have faith that someone will do or not do what they said they would but faith in a God and any sort of afterlife feels really absurd to me. This is just another reason for me to be elitist and arrogant so I must work harder to be humble.

I respect each person’s choice or duty to believe in their individual religions and I will always fight for people to have the freedom to worship how they please as long as it does not affect other people’s ability to believe and worship in something else.

Can an arrogant elitist who can’t chew his food help to save the human race and the planet Earth?

New Check List

1) Chew food properly

2) Be MORE humble

3) Get in shape

4) Spend time with my wife and sometimes other loved ones

5) Respect and learn from diversity

6) Leave a legacy of love and helpfulness

-Ian